It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time to unload everything that bugged us this week in an The Gripe Report.
This week, we’re talking all about , and not that stupid nonsense about which fork is for salad.
I’m talking about real social situations that you will find yourself in and how to navigate them.
I usually have more to say in these intros, but I think that was pretty succinct and gets the job done.
Good job, me.
Imagine, if you will, youve just gone out for a night with friends.Â
Friends you know pretty well, but arent super close to.
You have a good time and then say goodbye and walk back to your car, which has been waiting for you in a large parking lot.
But, during your hunt for your very sensible yet rugged 2025 , you encounter your friend once again.
What do you do?
Good news: youve got a lot of options.
Bad news: they all suck.
Your first option is to make some quip like, “Long time, no see!” Theyll fake laugh, but now youre that guy.
Another option is to initiate a second farewell sequence, which is awkward as hell, and god forbid you run into each other a third time.
You can also say nothing. I like this idea, but for most people this is going to be the most awkward option of them all.
I think the solution is a mix of a few of these and thats just a simple head nod. You acknowledge running into the person, but it doesnt become a “thing.”
Why is this so painful?
It really shouldnt be, but you do it, and you want to just go home and crawl in bed.
There are a few places I feel like Im most likely to throw an ill-timed “You too,” and the first is at any restaurant.
I cant tell you how many times Ive been and expected the server or person behind the counter to say “Have a good one” or something to that effect, only for them to say something along the lines of “Enjoy your food.”
Then you drop a “You too” because youre caught off-guard, and now you just look like an ass.
The second most common place I do it is with parking attendants. I go to park for a game and they go, “Enjoy the show/game,” and I give them the ol “You too.”
Yes, Im sure theyll enjoy standing in this parking garage while I have fun. At least theyre getting paid.
At least this is far worse for the person who says “You too” than it is for the person receiving the you too.
Im tired of having to read body language, situations, and approach angle to determine whether or not someone is coming at me for a handshake or a dap or one of those handshake hug deals.
My success rate has to be hovering around 60% to 70%, but I think it should be 100% because we live in a society. Everyone needs to help each other out on this and not throw so many curveballs.
We need ground rules for this. Maybe something like handshakes only if at least 50% of people in your vicinity have collared shirts on. That tells you its a more formal occasion, and not the time to bro hug like one of the surfers from “Point Break.”
I’m not even against everyone wearing some kind of name tag that tells you what they go for.
I think they got this one right in . Bows across the board.
They give out bows there like one of Oprah’s favorite things, and the only difference is the break angle of your waist.
Deeper bow means more respect… at least that’s what I learned from an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm”...
Whatever it takes to not have to play that weird guessing game all the time.
One of my absolute is people who can’t stand silence and have to talk on elevators.
I’m not saying you’re not allowed to talk on elevators. I’m just saying, I can’t stand people who feel compelled to talk for the sake of talking just because they can’t stand in silence for a few floors.
I have no issue with silence. I could stand there all day in a group of people, not say a word, and have no problem with it.
